APOLOGIES TO BOB MARLEY

I shot the sheriff.............



Not sure what the human is talking about but she says I have dreadlocks. She says I am a Rasta horse.



I have been in the far end of the field with my good buddy the LandShark and we keep coming back with burrs on us. I had them in my mane, tail, forelock, on my purple rainsheet. Just covered was I. The human even came out in the field to take them off me yesterday. I am thinking that she should just leave me alone to eat. I was embarrassed that she was picking them off me so I took it out on the Diva. I didn't dare give the human mare glare so Diva was in my line of fire and she got the ugly face. WTF is up with the human, next thing you know she will be out there cleaning my privates.



I caught a glimpse of the neck on the White Stallion the other day. Halter tag gone amok with Stinky. Those two boys, well using the term loosley play rough. So WS has a big lump on his neck which didn't make the other Head Wench happy. He spit all over my human the other night when she gave him meds to bring down the swelling. I was so laughing in my room since she was covered in white slop. Got away with it too. She still tucked me in that night with my carrot ration. I so rule!!!!!

It was pretty boring this weekend. The human didn't get on me at all, but I did get a good grooming last night and got lots of treats so that was fine, fine, fine.

JUST A PERFECT LIFE

I have just the best life. I'm all dressed up in my purple rain sheet looking so hot and guess what??????? Brad Pitt thinks I'm all that so he went out and got the same one. Now of course I am still a little miffed by his wait in line comment last week so I'm not letting him know that I think he is really hot too.



LandShark said last week that she knows more boys on the farm so I have made it my mission to meet them all and I have met Mr. Cool. Tall dark and very handsome is he and he lives in my barn down the aisle from Brad Pitt. I think he is really sexy too. He hangs out in the paddock over the driveway near the White Stallion and Stinky. He can see me from his field and I have noticed him looking at me with sexy eyes. Boys oh Boys more boys for me!!!! Now if I can just convince the human that I have needs that don't involve a big blue glove.



We have had a new gal join out little herd. Another chestnut mare like my BFF, Twizzle and LandShark. She is nice though. LandShark went right up to her when she came in and said I am the boss, don't you forget it EVER. The new gal said ok fine. I went over and spoke to her but she was kinda spooked after the LandShark spoke to her and I have explained to her that even though the LandShark THINKS she is the boss, she had better pay heed to me since I am the one really in charge. Stop your laughing BFF and Twizzle, see my face not looking nicey nicey at the two of you. I MEAN it stop laughing at me.

Oh the hell with you two. Oh LandShark, Twizzle and my BFF says your butt is really, really big!!!!

Don't mess with me, I can be evil.

ITS RAINING MEN, HALLELUJAH !!!!!!

So yesterday I was talking about us all wanting boyfriends and Speedy G reminded me that we have some guys attached to our own field. She has been holding out on me. Speedy and I go back a long way but my nose has been out of joint with her since she has been a big huge braggart about her showing this summer. Gives me more reason to give her the bum, but I will tell on her so you all know what is going on.



Seems she has been flirting with Brad Pitt and the Czar over the fence line and the guys have been drinking up at our watering hole and Speedy calls this the bar. They guys come over and get a drink and they all hang out talking. I am mightly miffed that I have not been informed and I can't repeat what the LandShark said. It seems that the Devil Pony is the bartender.



Well I marched over this morning to see for myself and sure enough there is Brad Pitt. I reminded him that we were an item at a former stable and he just tossed his head with his jaunty red fuzzy and said get in line baby. Can you imagine the nerve. Me, waiting in line for a boy. My BFF started to laugh and I had to tell her to simmer down or I would get the Landshark after her. That scared her into poopin her panties I tell ya. Mind you my BFF likes to play chicken with the LandShark from time to time. She goes over to her and pokes her and then runs away laughing. I think she is on crack when she does that.

Then my BFF tells me there are more boys on the farm. There are more beside Stinky and the White Stallion and there are the really big boys in the far field. Why have we not been introduced I ask. The LandShark says she has met everyone since she used to be able to run away when the humans were trying to get her outside. She says the reason she did this is because she wanted to make sure that all the boys in the barn thought she was the most beautiful and the most popular. Harumph I think they couldn't see you past that big huge butt you have. OMG she is coming after me. Where is my Mom. No really LandShark you are as beautiful as me, you are, really you are.

I am such a liar!!!!!!!!

THE BOYS

Twizzle, My BFF and the LandShark were thinking the other day that it would be a good thing for us to all have boyfriends. I am telling the girlies things are just not done naturally any more.


A couple of years ago I was the superior horse at a lousy stable and the silly woman actually bred horses. I was so jealous thinking these Oldenburg girls were having one up on me and having their own boyfriends but then my Mom explained to me about the big blue glove and that ended that notion.


We have a couple of guys we get to look at everyday. We all think that Juan is very sexy and he is tall dark and handsome, but right now he seems to be into Diva (not literally - in case either of their humans are reading this!!!) Of course he likes me the best and is just trying to make me jealous by hanging out with her but I stick my nose in the air, while she sticks up her tail. The little tart. No idea where she learned that.


We all get to look at the White Stallion and Stinky too. They look like twins. In fact they both have the same dress!!! Two metrosexuals at the barn. These guys spend more time playing with each other than looking at us girls. What is up with that I ask. The LandShark knows Stinky quite well since they are related and I know the White Stallion since his human is the other Head Wench at the barn. LandShark says they are just not into us. I can't imagine why but LandShark says I need to read some book and move on.

I think the LandShark has been watching too much Oprah and Dr. Phil!!!!!

IT'S SHOW TIME

I was hanging out yesterday with Twizzle, my BFF and the LandShark and we are wondering where the heck the Devil Pony and Speedy G. have gotten to. The wenchettes didn't put them out. We kept looking and looking but they were no where.



This morning they are skipping around the field with their noses in the air acting like they are superior to the rest of us. The LandShark is like WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT!!


Of course I have to act as peacemaker and it turns out they were at a show yesterday with two of the wenchettes and they came home with ribbons. Speedy G is especially proud of her human since they came in 2nd place in a big class and she has the ribbons on her door to prove it.

I knew all this of course since the Devil Pony has the room next to me and was telling me all about it last night when they got home. The Devil Pony has lots of ribbons on her door from showing all summer and she just braggs all the time. I keep trying to get the human to drag out my ribbons from my show days for my door but she says I have to actually do a new show before this will happen. I say bring it on and she just laughs.



Twizzle says she went to a show with her human and she got ribbons too. Now I want to show off too but the human says that will involve work and getting fit and all so I'm kinda thinking that would be hard and I would rather be eating.



We are all very excited as well since the humans have brought out our dresses to wear since the weather here is getting colder and it has been raining a lot. Mine is splendid purple number that shows off my figure to the best advantage. I am so hot!!! Just call me the barnyard hottie.

OMG - I'M SO BORED

Nothin goin on. Just eatin and poopin and eatin and poopin. Hanging out with my girlies.


I think someone has put valium in the water

Yeesh, someone stir the pot will ya

HAPPY CANADIAN THANKSGIVING AND THE RUMOUR IS NOT TRUE I AM NOT AFRAID OF TURKEYS

I hope that all the friends of my human had a happy Thanksgiving and ate lots of turkeys. Best thing about them is on the dinner table but I digress here. If you know my human please tell her to stop talking about the turkey hack and bolt from years ago. It is getting around the barnyard and my reputation is at stake here. YEESH!!!! MOM!!!!!!



Anyhoo, I start the weekend doing what I do best (eating and hanging out for those who don't know) and I am thinking it will be that way all weekend. Saturday morning I see my human coming for me and I think she coming out to give me a scratch and treat, but noooooooooo she is dragging me in the barn. I'm thinking, you are disturbing my day and WHY are getting me early anyway. Turns out I'm going on a hack with my BFF, The White Stallion and the Diva. I had to protest and I tried to tell my human we are not going, I want to eat, bugger off but AS USUAL she MAKES me go. The White Stallion is getting to close to my beautiful butt and I had to give him mare glare. He understands that perfectly and even though he is a boy (he thinks he has his bits and we don't tell him otherwise) he got off my ass. My human dragged us all over the fields but I must admit it was nice to get out with my girlies.



Then again yesterday. I am thinking this all too much. I don't work this hard anymore and why are you getting me again. Back out hacking with the White Stallion and his human. We went to the forbidden fields and it was sooooooo hot out. We are cantering along and the White Stallion is getting way ahead of me. I just can't imagine his gall so I take matters into my own hands and deke across the hay field trying to cut him off. Of course my human is having none of this and I even saw him laughing at me when she made me stop. The nerve. Anyway I made sure I was in front for the way home and when we got there all the other kids saw me coming in first. At least I got a nice shower and got to eat grass in the special field.

Very excited, the carrot lady came today. Treats for me!!!!

MOTORCYCLE MADNESS

The other day the wenchettes let me and my posse outside and we were doing our thing and then suddenly I hear this loud noise coming up the driveway. Me, my BFF and the Land Shark (the Land Shark thinks she is the boss of all of us but we just let her think that - we are not scared of her) are looking at this human on this mechanical thing with two wheels and it is belching noise and smoke and stuff. Suddenly there are 5 or 6 of them plus a whole bunch of those bicycle things and strange humans running all over the farm.



I know my human likes to sleep on Sunday morning and all of a sudden I see her coming out and marching down the driveway. Since I have superhorse senses I can read her mind and she is muttering WTF. Seems these people have set up for a bike ride and are using our farm as a rest stop. I can tell my human is not amused. The Land Shark and I are waiting for the fireworks to start and I can see her waving her hands around. Soon the belching two wheelers are moved and the bike things are on their way and we have peace and quiet in our little home.



I heard the humans talking the other night and the bike people sent to the farm a really nice gift basket with all sorts of stuff that humans like to eat. The Land Shark told me there are good things in there that she likes and I had better get the apricots for her or she will beat me up in the paddock. HAHAHAHA, as if, I will let my Mom deal with her